Mr P and I have been together for over ten years. For the most part of it we are like a couple of love struck teenagers, but sometimes it can feel far from that. Now we never really argue, funny really like that. We tend to discuss things and if we don't agree we both go "fine!" but always apologise soon after. We are so close and I love that. The problem for me starts with if Mr P is not really feeling himself. He tends to go really quiet and distant. I'm the opposite, if i'm not feeling myself, I get really needy.
I'm going through a faze like that now.
It all started a few weeks ago. We were really loved up having lovely cuddles, great sex and I felt so close to him as I would massage or shower him. There is something very intimate about it.
I had asked him for a massage, well ok i been nagging for a bit :D but we never seem to have the time. The sexual attention towards me has subsided since I have not been instigating things.
Mr P does have a lot on his plate at the moment, he's so busy with work and worrying about his family. I feel that he has sort of sunk away from me. The more distant he gets though, the more I feel I need him. This gets into a vicious circle, then I end up feeling rejected, unloved and empty.
I know I worry to much, but I'm neurotic that he doesn't love me any more. Has he gone off me, does he like someone else. I have a huge list of what if's.
I know you are thinking why don't I talk to him. I have though. He assured me he loves me, just he is really busy ect. I wasn't left feeling any better though.
I sometimes think the phrase 'men are from mars, women are from venus' is so bloody right on times.
I know it will pass and we wil be best friends and lovers again, but for now, I will wait for him with an aching heart.
We are soulmates and life is never plain sailing.
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I know exactly how you feel! If things are getting busy and my and my boyfriend can't find time for each other I get really moody and miss him loads, whereas he gets so busy he tends to plunge straight into it and get through. He very much gives me the impression that it doesn't bother him if things are tough, but I know he still loves me and it's his crazy man way of dealing with it.
ReplyDeleteHis dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer recently and it's really been eating into his time sorting everything out, so he's not spending as much time with me as he was. Learning to deal with him being distant, like you said, is a skill that I have gone to incredible depths to learn. Sometimes you learn to deal with things and you look back and wish you could have had all these super relationship skills from the beginning! Relationships are a long, neverending learning experience.
Puppies you have just perfectly described how things get with me and WandA!
ReplyDeleteNo arguments usually, but we get "out of synch" sometimes, he gets distant and I get needy. I'm also the main initiator of sex, because my sex drive is lower, so sometimes he seems to slip into the routing of getting horny after the sex has already started rather than have a build up of horniness before hand!
The thing is though - its difficult not to make things worse because every time he seems "out of synch" I get more needy and ask him what's wrong - he then gets even more distant!
I wish I knew what to suggest to make things better!
Ax
yeah Im just like your mr puppies I go quite if there something on my mind, I think us men find it hard to express our feelings or what we are thinking so shut down and go distant, But Im sure he really loves u and still finds u sexually attractivve so dont worry about that.
ReplyDeleteIm sure he wil warm up again once he has sorted out whats on his mind.
Big hugs talisman xxxxxx
Thanks for you comments, it's nice to know what we are going through is all normal and im not a freak lol.
ReplyDeletePuppies x
Sorry to hear you and Mr Puppies are going through a bit of a rough patch poppet! After ten years I'm sure you know it'll soon pass and you'll be at it like teenagers again! :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know how normal or abnormal this is for a girl but like Mr P I tend to hide from the world when I'm stressed. When things upset me I close off from the people I care about to try and shield them from it. I don't want people worrying and I feel like I'll drag them down, like my sadness is infectious.
I also can't always articulate what is wrong with me, I find intense emotions confusing, overwhelming and sometimes physically crippling. I can usually talk about my pain once it's passed but while it's happening I tend to need some processing time.
In the past I always prefered dealing with things on my own, my partner is the only person who has ever made me feel safe enough to share any deep sadness with. The thing that makes him special is that he never pressures me into talking before I'm ready, he just let's me know I'm loved unconditionally and that he's there if I need him.
I'm certain Mr P is still loving (and probably missing) you like mad in his emotional solitude. Despite the distance between you at the minute I'm sure he is quietly comforted by the presence and support of his beautiful wife :)
A poignant post my lovely, I wish you lots of warmth, affection and happiness soon!
xxKPxx