After terrifyingly trying to avoid Mr P, I had a dream one night that was to change my life forever.
I don't really remember what it was I dreamed but I remember waking up and thinking I need to overcome my fear of nice guys and not let this one get away.
I got up and got ready for work, not being able to get the dream out of my head and thinking what shall I do. My heart would beat faster partly in panic but mostly in excitement. I arrived at work and had already decided I was going to ask Mr P out...tonight!
I couldn't wait. I went to see my line manager and asked if I worked my lunch hour could I finish early. She said no problem and my plan was put into action. I sat at my desk looking at the phone. I could dial his extension and ask him out now, but what do I say? I need an excuse to phone him, so I can casually ask him out in case he says no.
I made up some excuse about a set of notes I needed and that he may have in his office, knowing full well that they were right in front of me on my desk.
I dialled his extension, it rang and I heard him pick it up and say hello. My heart almost leapt out of my chest with excitement, I loved his London accent. "Hi" I said casually and went onto asking about the 'missing' notes. He apologised that he couldn't find them (bless lol) and then I took my chance. "I'm finishing work early tonight, would you like to go for a drink?" I could tell he sounded surprised but said yes he'd love too. I said about one of the pubs in town and that I'd meet him at 4.30. I had a computer course to go to at 7 and i needed to make my way there come 6.30, so we could have a drink or two first.
God when I put the phone down I was doing a silly girly scream inside and grinning from ear to ear. I'd done it, I'd asked him out. My heart almost lept out of my chest with excitement. One of the girls opposite asked what I was so happy about and I told her. She said ya kidding and I replied "nope" grinning away to myself.
The day went so slow and I couldn't wait to see him. Finally 4pm came and I said so long to the girls legged it to the toilets to make myself pretty before getting the bus into town.
I got to the pub by half past but I couldn't see Mr P there yet. Funnily I did bump into one of my ex shags 'V', he was one of the few nice people I slept with. We chatted and he introduced me to his friend. It was now about quarter to five, he was late. V asked what i was up to and did I want to join them for a drink. I told them I was waiting for a date and he was late. Just then I saw Mr P walk through the door, god I was relieved, I thought I had been stood up for a while there. I said bye to V and his mate and walked over to Mr P, he looked so handsome in his suit. God I was so nervous and shy looking back. He apologised for being late, bought me a drink and we went over to a booth with a table and sat opposite each other.
We talked and talked, we had not really had a proper conversation before, just chit chat. He made me laugh and we really hit it off, the conversation just flowed. I thought he was amazing :) In fact we were getting on so well that I decided not to bother going to the computer course and stay where I was. There was no way I could leave now, I wanted to stay here forever, watching his lips as he talked, telling me how beautiful I was.
The next two hours flew by and I really had to leave now to get home. My dad normally picked me up from collage, but I had called him and said to meet me by the pub and I made some excuse that I had to pop to the cash point opposite. He'd have a right go at me for missing collage.
Mr P said he'd walk me outside. It was dark and cold as we stood in the doorway, so he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. I tilted my head upwards and he lent down and kissed me. His lips were as soft as they looked and his tongue gently brushed my lips. *sigh* He was gorgeous.
We broke away and sighed again as I said my dad would be here soon, but as I turned my head to look, oh my god, dad was parked opposite. "Shit" I said I gota go. We kissed quickly then said goodbye before I ran across the road to dads car.
I jumped in and said "Hi, was bursting for the loo so popped into the pub, you ok" He obviously hadn't noticed his daughter kissing some man and replied yeah good, lets get you home".
Wednesday 24 March 2010
Tuesday 9 March 2010
Mr Nice
Whilst working at the hospital, one guy in particular caught my eye, Mr P. He was a trainee manager, so a bit out of my league, tall and strong, like a rugby player. If there's two things that do it for me, its men in suits and rugby players :P
I figured out from the odd 'hello' that he had a London accent and was therefore ....English, shock horror :D Well this was flirting ammo for me especially with the six nations going on. I would flirt and tease him rotten about how Wales beat the English haha. But he loved it :)
During one lunch hour I was waiting for the bus into town. As I got on, so did Mr P, he sat next to me and we chatted briefly. As we got close to town he asked if he could buy me lunch...Now being the logical freak I am I working this out quickly in my head. Fifteen minutes to town, find somewhere to eat, wait for food, eat food, get back to bus station and fifteen minutes journey back. There was no way I'd fit all that in without being late and getting a bollocking off my boss. So I replied I'd love to but I gota get a few things in town and maybe another time.
I got into town and said goodbye to Mr P, then wandered round town, super chuffed that I had been asked out 'for lunch' woohoo!
(You know i mentioned i'm a logical freak, well I can also be an irrational loone too)
By the time I had got home from work, I got myself into a panic. Mr P seemed really nice and I don't do nice guys. I don't know why I was thinking this. I had a few oppertunites in the past to date nice guys, who actually treated me well, would want to look after me and not get into my knickers as soon as possiable, but I always sent them packing.
Over the next week I avoided all the places I'd usually head to, to 'accidently' bump into Mr P.
I figured out from the odd 'hello' that he had a London accent and was therefore ....English, shock horror :D Well this was flirting ammo for me especially with the six nations going on. I would flirt and tease him rotten about how Wales beat the English haha. But he loved it :)
During one lunch hour I was waiting for the bus into town. As I got on, so did Mr P, he sat next to me and we chatted briefly. As we got close to town he asked if he could buy me lunch...Now being the logical freak I am I working this out quickly in my head. Fifteen minutes to town, find somewhere to eat, wait for food, eat food, get back to bus station and fifteen minutes journey back. There was no way I'd fit all that in without being late and getting a bollocking off my boss. So I replied I'd love to but I gota get a few things in town and maybe another time.
I got into town and said goodbye to Mr P, then wandered round town, super chuffed that I had been asked out 'for lunch' woohoo!
(You know i mentioned i'm a logical freak, well I can also be an irrational loone too)
By the time I had got home from work, I got myself into a panic. Mr P seemed really nice and I don't do nice guys. I don't know why I was thinking this. I had a few oppertunites in the past to date nice guys, who actually treated me well, would want to look after me and not get into my knickers as soon as possiable, but I always sent them packing.
Over the next week I avoided all the places I'd usually head to, to 'accidently' bump into Mr P.
Sunday 7 March 2010
The Swan takes a dive.
After my break up with D, things changed for me, and it wasn't for the better. I felt something was missing from my life. I craved for affection and attention, but it wasn't always the right type.
I had left she shop and started working in my local hospital as an admin clerk. The flat sharing didn't work out and I ended going to stay back with my parents. God that was enough to tip me over the edge :/ so I put myself on the waiting list for a council flat. My mother was happy enough to write a letter saying I couldn't stay, very kind of her eh!
I was there a few months before I got the flat and moved in. It was so lonely and empty, but least I could do my own thing. I was making friends at the hospital too which was good, but money was tight and I decided to go and see if I could get my old job back at the pub.
There was a new manager there but all the regulars were the same so I fitted right back in. I loved all the attention I got from the men and I was a terriable flirt.
This is where it all gets messy so I will keep it brief as not to depress you.
I wouldn't describe it as sleeping around, but I guess thats what it was really. Men showed me attention and took it as they liked me. My flirting often led to going back to my flat with a bloke or their place where we would have sex. I never enjoyed any of it and some of it, looking back, was like being assaulted. I have been face fucked till I was nearly sick, even thought I was trying to push him off and was nearly in tears, he wouldn't stop. Another time I had a guy round mine. We had already had sex in the night but he folloewd me into the batroom next morning saying he wanted more. I really wans't up for it but didn't put up much resistance and he fucked me over with toilet. I remember thinking "I really need to clean this toilet" funny I know but I was just taking my mind away from the situation.
I did have one relationship with a guy from the pub. He was funny and exciting. He was here from New Zealand with some friends and we got on really well, I enjoyed the sex, the first time since D. He even brought round a vibrator once. He had dropped it getting out of the car though so when he started it up, it sounded like a chain saw. God we laughed :D
He asked me to go back to New Zealand with him and I was really excited, got my passport and everything. But my mother still had control over me even though i didn't live with her, so I never went. We used to call each other but after a while I could never get hold of him.
Alone again I went and had a few relationships with some of my collogues at the hospital but they just used me too.
I went into a depression after all this and become a self harmer. At least when I cut myself all the pain went away....
I had left she shop and started working in my local hospital as an admin clerk. The flat sharing didn't work out and I ended going to stay back with my parents. God that was enough to tip me over the edge :/ so I put myself on the waiting list for a council flat. My mother was happy enough to write a letter saying I couldn't stay, very kind of her eh!
I was there a few months before I got the flat and moved in. It was so lonely and empty, but least I could do my own thing. I was making friends at the hospital too which was good, but money was tight and I decided to go and see if I could get my old job back at the pub.
There was a new manager there but all the regulars were the same so I fitted right back in. I loved all the attention I got from the men and I was a terriable flirt.
This is where it all gets messy so I will keep it brief as not to depress you.
I wouldn't describe it as sleeping around, but I guess thats what it was really. Men showed me attention and took it as they liked me. My flirting often led to going back to my flat with a bloke or their place where we would have sex. I never enjoyed any of it and some of it, looking back, was like being assaulted. I have been face fucked till I was nearly sick, even thought I was trying to push him off and was nearly in tears, he wouldn't stop. Another time I had a guy round mine. We had already had sex in the night but he folloewd me into the batroom next morning saying he wanted more. I really wans't up for it but didn't put up much resistance and he fucked me over with toilet. I remember thinking "I really need to clean this toilet" funny I know but I was just taking my mind away from the situation.
I did have one relationship with a guy from the pub. He was funny and exciting. He was here from New Zealand with some friends and we got on really well, I enjoyed the sex, the first time since D. He even brought round a vibrator once. He had dropped it getting out of the car though so when he started it up, it sounded like a chain saw. God we laughed :D
He asked me to go back to New Zealand with him and I was really excited, got my passport and everything. But my mother still had control over me even though i didn't live with her, so I never went. We used to call each other but after a while I could never get hold of him.
Alone again I went and had a few relationships with some of my collogues at the hospital but they just used me too.
I went into a depression after all this and become a self harmer. At least when I cut myself all the pain went away....
Friday 5 March 2010
Ooo a freebie to review from Lovehoney!
I surprisingly got an email yesterday, saying that LoveHoney were sending me a product to review. This is what turned up in the post this morning. Earthly Body Naked in the Woods 3-in-1 Massage Candle.
I have fancied trying one of these candles for a while now. I have opened it up and it smells lovely. Reminds me of our trips to the Spa at Center Parcs. Anyway I am going to give it a try tonight. Mr Puppies has had a stressful week so i'm going to jump him in the shower later, then take him to the bedroom and pour some of the scented oil on him and give him a massage. You never know, he might return the favour ;)
I will post a link to my Lovehoney review soon.
Ugly duckling to beautiful swan.
Well as this is my first post, I thought I should start at the beginning.
I grew up in a small village in Wales and led a fairly sheltered life with overprotective parents and a younger sister that I used to fight like cat n dog with (she's one of my best friends now though).
In my teenage years i felt a urge for masturbation and an intrest in the sex articals in the free Sunday magazine. With my best friend at the time, we explored ourselfs. She did try to kiss me once, I freaked out a bit because I thought it would make me a lesbian and that wouldn't go down well where we lived, but we figured it was ok to touch ourselfs in front of each other. We even made our own dildo's by stuffing balloons. I used to keep a diary with all this in and one day my sister found it. She teased me and said I was disgusting and that she would tell mum and dad. This was where my thinking came from, that masturbation was wrong and dirty. Its silly I know as we were just spiteful kids, but I still sometimes feel the same today.
At 15 I had my first kiss, that was disgusting. It felt like the boy had spat in my mouth and I don't even know why he kissed me seen he was the ringleader of boys who would taunt me for being ugly. I never had a boyfriend until they had all left to do their thing and I stayed on to do A'levels. This boy made up for it all though, he was gorgeous! Tall, handsome, long blonde surfer hair and he was a life guard too. I was the envy of all the younger girls in my village and even got hate mail. I felt great, the ugly girl had a prince and they could say all they wanted :D
It didn't last long though, just four months before he moved to Australia for a year.
I was now 19 and working in a little shop in town. There was a pub next door looking for staff so I applied for evening shifts. My boss (we'll call him D) was great, he was 37 and no oil painting but we got on really well. After my first shift i stayed on with a few others and me and D talked till 3am before dropping me back to my parents.
Within a few weeks we had begun a relationship. He knew I was still a virgin and was kind, gentle and never pushed me to do anything. My parents weren't happy though and there was no reasoning with my mother so she kicked me out. I was happy to leave to be honest, it wasn't like we ever got on. I stayed with him at the pub for a bit before moving into a house share with a few of the girls I worked with. My social life kicked off from here :)
Life was good. I was earning heeps of money between my two jobs. I went out drinking with the girls and would attract lots of male attention. I loved it but i was happy with D.
I eventually lost my virginity to him, it wasn't what either of us expected to be honest, it was hard work getting that bugger in me and he wasn't exactly massive. He was great though and we took our time and it was ok. I did feel a bit sorry for him the next morning though because he actually bruised his knob haha.
We lasted about six months and he was the one to break it off. Looking back he did care about me deeply, but could see I was a young woman still blossoming and he didn't want to hold me back.
I will always have a soft spot for D....
I grew up in a small village in Wales and led a fairly sheltered life with overprotective parents and a younger sister that I used to fight like cat n dog with (she's one of my best friends now though).
In my teenage years i felt a urge for masturbation and an intrest in the sex articals in the free Sunday magazine. With my best friend at the time, we explored ourselfs. She did try to kiss me once, I freaked out a bit because I thought it would make me a lesbian and that wouldn't go down well where we lived, but we figured it was ok to touch ourselfs in front of each other. We even made our own dildo's by stuffing balloons. I used to keep a diary with all this in and one day my sister found it. She teased me and said I was disgusting and that she would tell mum and dad. This was where my thinking came from, that masturbation was wrong and dirty. Its silly I know as we were just spiteful kids, but I still sometimes feel the same today.
At 15 I had my first kiss, that was disgusting. It felt like the boy had spat in my mouth and I don't even know why he kissed me seen he was the ringleader of boys who would taunt me for being ugly. I never had a boyfriend until they had all left to do their thing and I stayed on to do A'levels. This boy made up for it all though, he was gorgeous! Tall, handsome, long blonde surfer hair and he was a life guard too. I was the envy of all the younger girls in my village and even got hate mail. I felt great, the ugly girl had a prince and they could say all they wanted :D
It didn't last long though, just four months before he moved to Australia for a year.
I was now 19 and working in a little shop in town. There was a pub next door looking for staff so I applied for evening shifts. My boss (we'll call him D) was great, he was 37 and no oil painting but we got on really well. After my first shift i stayed on with a few others and me and D talked till 3am before dropping me back to my parents.
Within a few weeks we had begun a relationship. He knew I was still a virgin and was kind, gentle and never pushed me to do anything. My parents weren't happy though and there was no reasoning with my mother so she kicked me out. I was happy to leave to be honest, it wasn't like we ever got on. I stayed with him at the pub for a bit before moving into a house share with a few of the girls I worked with. My social life kicked off from here :)
Life was good. I was earning heeps of money between my two jobs. I went out drinking with the girls and would attract lots of male attention. I loved it but i was happy with D.
I eventually lost my virginity to him, it wasn't what either of us expected to be honest, it was hard work getting that bugger in me and he wasn't exactly massive. He was great though and we took our time and it was ok. I did feel a bit sorry for him the next morning though because he actually bruised his knob haha.
We lasted about six months and he was the one to break it off. Looking back he did care about me deeply, but could see I was a young woman still blossoming and he didn't want to hold me back.
I will always have a soft spot for D....
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